6:22 p.m. - 15th May 2006
Things can only get better
I try so hard to be upbeat and on the whole I am...however today I am close as I have ever been to tears and am concerned about it.
What to do? Who to talk to? Looking at the endless list of people on my house and mobile phones...nobody seems right...or is it that they are all right but I choose not to expose myself?
What are my concerns...apart from being wholly neurotic due to little or no sleep?
Work, shame, anguish...hating being in the spotlight etc.
I genuinely cannot stand being in the spotlight, yet here I am as "in the spotlight" as it's possible to be.....My head is pounding, although that could be attributed to the weather, it feels like it's going to thunder and lightening at any minute....and if it doesn't, I wish it would!!!
My boss is wonderful, supportive caring....she was soooooooo nice today, my chin began to wobble. I never have cried at work, but shit it got so close today!
It started with Esmeralda, being a complete and utter horror and ended with omnipotent one being a brat.
I can't write too much, other than my God this is so shit today. I'm trying to stay focussed, trying to stay in touch with the fact that process has to occur, but Christ almighty, this is sooooo flaming well tough today.
Family are out, IS busy, mommy S would never in a month of Sunday's understand. NIS two weeks away from having the baby and Northern S back in hospital.....so many S's and so unavailable....
