9:45 a.m. - 22nd December 2012
two year catch up!!!!!!!
It�s been forever since I have written, life has been so busy but busy in a good way. I started thinking about this here place again, as a friend has just discovered that her partner of years, has been unfaithful for years and she, is understandably distraught. My friend and I have had heaps of chats, it�s so sad to see her ripping herself to bits about what to do. She so wants on one level to be with her man, but doesn�t trust him at all.
And I suppose the hard bits are, he won�t be honest about what he�s done although she has all the evidence in the world. I�ve talked to her loads about her behaviour, and how she has lost so much weight, gone in for plastic nails, new hair do�s and can�t sit still for a second. Poor person, can�t just end it. All the shame of people knowing, being scared of being alone etc. I can almost feel her pain. I have been there, got the book, T-shirt, wrote the film script!
It�s hard for her to believe that life without her man, can be good, For her, she is terrified of being alone. She is thinking so far into the future, imagining a million scenario�s. And is incapacitating her from dealing in any way with the here and now.
Reflecting on her experience, has made me remember when life for me was like that too, and just how different and unshackled it is now. I still can�t believe I allowed myself to get into a position, with the devil that he was totally undermined my confidence, my belief in myself and contributed to me thinking I was going mad as a hatter��And still I stayed. It was all so insidious in its onset.
So what�s happening for me and those around me? Living with the MK hunk, life is wonderful and fun. Had some stunning holiday�s, love he West Coast of USA and wish I had been there more when I was younger, as there is so much to see and do there. House we bought is now a proper home to be proud of.
We have a wide circle of friend�s, but also maintain some level of doing things independently, which is perfection personified for me. The worst feeling in the world is being smothered or controlled in some way.
Other people, the omnipotent one, Has left here and moved South. To live with a gal, he�s had a baby and I must have been the only person in the world of this location, who wasn�t invited to his leaving party, which hurt a little bit. Lots and lots and lots of people commented that I wasn�t there. I thought we were in a good place, but obviously not!
Esmeralda, is still as Esmeralda like as she has always been.
The devil has had three more kids, still parties in this town and isn�t entirely faithful to his partner���His eldest child and my darling made it to Uni, woo hoo how proud was I, despite not being her mom. I still see her and speak with her. She has little to do with her dad and nothing to do with his partner, she can�t stand her at all and won�t go to the house. But visits us and gets on a treat with MK H which is fab.
Following on from my last entry, re the Meerkat. Well that�s a weird one. He�s still about and is still on and off quite intense. He�s married with a couple of kids and knows I am fully involved in a fulfilling relationship. HOWEVER, it�s still quite weird. He still finds me often. He still phones me at odd times. Sometimes when he�s out watching football in a pub. He asks me for advice on a heap of things from, managing people, to the colour of ties!
Then he goes absolutely silent for a few weeks��then he wants me to �sneak out of work for a coffee����..He�s bought me a book, made me a CD of �special� songs and this year bought me a Christmas pressie and sent me an individually bought card. This week, he wanted to buy me lunch, to thank me for all my help, but wanted lunch to be out of the place of work, Spoke to MK H about it, as it felt wrong, he said I was being mad, that he thinks Meerkat is an emotional fuck wit����So I went, it still felt wrong, so won�t ever do it again.
I do enjoy Meerkat�s company, but in a way that is odd, it�s like MKH says, MKH is v v v v structured (almost to the point of autism), so can�t do emotions��..Feels �safe� to express stuff to me, that he can�t tell other people. It does feel odd though, but hey ho
Family stuff is OK. We all see each other, sis-in -law has now fallen out with a whole group of other people and I don�t spend much time there at all, they come here more than I go there, so little chance of me upsetting her by being a human!
Nephew has grown up to be a really nice lad, even if I say so myself! He is dead polite, engaging and given he is a teenager, doesn�t grunt���.
Nieces are doing well in life too. One at Uni and one fighting against going to Uni, despite parents wishes, she wants to travel, work and generally enjoy life, she�s very sociable and fun loving and not such a bookworm as her sister
Mother of many, is still busy being a mother of many, although now the kids are getting older, she is working at the school as a classroom asst, which is fab for her.
L, well she�s all over the place. Seeing a married man - NO, I don�t approve and she doesn�t discuss it with me, as I won�t listen about it��.. She�s drinking often and generally unhappy at times. Not motivated to do much and spending money like it�s out of fashion. It�s really tough at times, persuading her to do stuff. I still love her to bits, but she feels a bit self destructive. I don�t know why either, she is unhappy at times with work, wants to move North, but feels we need to move with her. I couldn�t live over the Border. HATE snow! They have more than us.
Oh yes, I�ve also been promoted a couple of times too��.I am scared to say how much I get paid. It�s a lot (well I think it�s a lot, it probably isn�t in lots of people�s eyes) and a wonderful position to be in��Given the role, it is demanding, but stimulating too. I can�t believe how fortunate I feel to be able to, on the whole do what I like. when I like. I do give to Charity as I now can. I have also lent a friend a significant amount of money (which I don�t anticipate them paying back as they are broke most of the time)!
So I suppose the reason for this indulgent entry, is to look how life changes after your man has an affair. It�s disgusting when you are in it and you cannot see the wood for the trees, but maybe things happen for a reason? I don�t think I would have such a good job, such a wonderful group of friends, a lovely man, a great home, if I hadn�t left him. I feel I would be a mouse like person, with no self confidence, so a lesser job, and would spend night after night, being at home, rather than being out and about, living life to the full. From a financial point of view, my relationship with the devil was unequal and he never contributed fairly or equally, so now even that is fab too.
Housework, cooking etc all shared. Not over controlled, lots of independence but feel cared for beyond. A real manly man too. Life is grand and so, I hope my very good friend, gets through the other end, with her head held high and realises that life goes on, and could even get better���..Bless her
