11:04 p.m. - 31st October 03
Moving on up again!
So then we come to that bloody Monday, back to work to face the consequences of our actions, you forgetting I existed, me writing snotty letters...what great communicators we ARE NOT!!!
Avoided you all day, then made a fatal mistake, walked down that bloody corridor at the same time you walked up it...neither of us could go anywhere, so we walked past each other, I thought you had left, you thought I had gone to see D. Then (thank God) you came back and we talked. You had missed me too...that was nice.
Anyway we talked and talked, texted and texted ...so intensly it was awful intense again, that is until last week Friday when you cancelled the night out...now everything has changed and seems beyond repair to me.
I DID lose it. Ann spoke to you and you texted Ann, apparantley according to Ann's mobile messages, which we have read through tonight, you did not know how to respond to me. I did text you Mon and Tuesday but unable to get a response therefore deleted your number. We have gone through 150 of Ann's text messages tonight, from August 28th to today, she's kept all the one's from you, me and G...others have been deleted. This last summer has been fantastic. Wish I could kept my texts, can't because my phone gets checked by the devil when I'm not looking....but what a fucking mad, fantastic summer this has been. So many good times to remember, so may memories come flooding back...What we have all gotten up to? I'd love to read your messages, not from other women, but from me, and more so I suppose M...That could be interesting!!!
Today, despite my urges not to, got your no off Ann and text you about something work related, an immediate reply asking how I was keeping, then a whole day of texting, nothing heavy really...but perhaps it's all heavy now.
You told me you were being good, gym everyday, not whoring around...into a new girl( Heart broken though I am now) called Jo 30 and independent...I asked why you had been horrid, you denied being horrid, but did apologise for not being in touch, which I made the most of by saying it was nearly an admission of guilt!!
One of your sayings is, you don't resond to texts unless there are questions, believe me, you asked loads, I asked none, but you still responded.
Tonight I feel cross (behaviouralism isn't the answer to all according to Ann)Why? 'cause I feel by texting you first, you have won!!! Power struggle again!!! As Ann says I've given you a way back in and played for a win win situation. So lets have some faith and hope that in time, Jo fucks off, we sort our heads out and go back to developing what has been simmering beneath the surface for the last eight years.
Other people, namely A, S & M say you shag around to keep me safe at this time, as we are so scared of not being friends we don't know what to do. Lets be fair, given your previous track record, you have had five women in five weeks (four overlapping) but since May you have had nobody until now...how unlike you is that???
