11:39 a.m. - 22nd November 03
Meeting J for the first time
Hangover from hell....serves me right, emotionally labile. Whilst appreciating that alcohol is a depressant, last night was the shitiest night I have ever had the misfortune to go out on.
The pub was heaving, we (that is A and I) got there late. P who is A's son was being interviewed by the police, for being in a car that another boy had stolen...it took forever for the interview to happen. From others descriptions, P wasn't driving...A is relieved...I am too...POOR A.
There were loads and loads of people out, but they were hammered. I was stressy, hate to be out when I can't sit in a safe place. All the people we knew were split up from each other, all milling about in very very small groups. Stood with Ads, 'cause my best friend (as was) was definatley NOT gonna speak, he was hammered out of his brains and being ignorant. I'm too old for that shit. Had a lovley chat with Ads, and Ma....then I noticed your new bird J. You went out of your way to fucking well ignore me, well two can play that game honey and I can play it better and for longer than you.
Unfortunatley, a girl (drunkbird) who I'd had to get rid of from work, decided she would come over and accost me about being sacked, she has done this once before. Waving her glass about in my face, mood vacilating between trying to hug me and shouting at me. As she approached you said to Ads, watch her with her and you came and stood over too to get her away, except she kept coming back, over and over and over again. I hid behind Ads. Eventually she went and then loads of people like R & C, N, S & S came, I was just about to sit with them and she came back again, that drunk girl, shouting, I was cornered. Ads, eventually got rid of her...thanks sweetie. You then, began, hugging J, kissing, canoodling etc, constantly moving round into my eyeline, eventually when drunkbird was thrown out of the pub, it was safe to sit down with my back to you. I know you were looking over all night, A told me ...but you wouldn't come near...your loss sweetie, we didn't need you....you can be as loved up as you like...I don't want anything really but to be your friend, you can't do that for me when you are loved up.
You came over to us lot at the end of the night, after she had gone and asked where we were going, you knew damn well where we were going, why ask? You know because of the devil, there are only two places I can go, the devil goes to all the others. I didn't answer and niether did anyone else.
All your Irish mates were going to CB, you said you were going S. We eventually got to the S, but then your Irish mates said you were so pissed up and angry you could hardly walk and had gone to CB, but were coming to the S later.
You didn't though did you...you have never ever missed a w'end out when we have been out, now you are playing silly games...if you aren't emotionally bothered and you are just a friend, why play games sweetie???
We had a weird night in the S, but it was ALRIGHT.
I got hammered but hey it was Fri and a very very very stressful week.
Tonight we (that is A and I) said we were going out, you are working S tonight but then so is Ads, I'm lost as to what to do....go or not? I think I should just carry on as normal and go, but my stress levels are not able for it....if I do go I musn't drink booze tonight if you are there, that would not be safe to do.
When you found out we were going out tonight, you were pissed we hadn't told you, why should we? You don't ask anymore and we have had that conversation before. When I said, but up until A got sick, I went out every Fri, Sat, Sun you agreed, so why be surprised sweetie?
A has phoned this morning, her courtesey car is going back today, so I am driving, therefore no drinking for me tonight...that's best really.
So tired and hungover, waiting for A to finish work so that I can get my car from her house and then go shopping and than sleep.
House is tippy, but I'll do that tomorrow...as well as go gym tomorrow and then to see B, for a tarot reading god help me....don't know why I get into A's madness with her, but I have been once before and it was weird how accurate it was.
Speaking of you...which I was earlier, you are on a drinking binge and you haven't been to gym now for over two weeks, how mad are you????
