10:57 p.m. - 20th December 03
I'm a cake
Spoke to the devil last night, persuaded him to see his eldest gal, do something with her. Phoned the little un a bit later and he has contacted her, he's taking her shopping tomorrow...hooorah!!!
Despite the weather, I hope she has a good time.
Had hoped the boy would txt, so I could guage what happened, but he hasn't done and he normally has by now!!
A taken D to City airport and then here for me to rectify her hair.
I feel such a fucking cake to quote a close personal friend.
I work in a business that means that communication is so fundimental, people always comment on my openess and straight talking ways.
So why Oh Lord am I doing this??? Slowly destroying something that has taken years to build up??? That is so precious to me, something that means so fucking much to me? Why am I giving mixed messages? Saying "No" when I mean "Yes" and then blaming you for it? My emotions totally and utterly baffle me and my behaviour is soooooo unfair. Yet if we fall out forever as a result of this, I know I will feel so guilty.
I wish to God there wasn't so much to lose, but there is, work, friendship, intimacy and just all of that stuff.
