10:42 p.m. - 8th January 04
Alone for an hour..well apart from the pub full of peopel
Lovely day-boy in early-looks so fit, clean and healthy-great form and fun to be around.
Buzzy head, busy morning, saw boy 11.30....lunch 12.00 agreed to meet 16.30 hours. Have now spoken and appreciate his honesty no end re NYE. Even manged to get jokey re that. He went to gym, I got caught by I,S- very very stressy. Waited for A, she lending her car to P & J - they are off to Brussells for a dirty W'end.
5.19pm solicitor phoned house completing lunchtime 9th - on one hand chuffed to bits, on the other fucked off, not organised van etc and Ads away. Argh, fuck shit.
A took her car to J and P, I followed to give her a lift back. From theirs, A decided to phone boy to meet in S&H....we arrived at 8pm, he arrived shortly afterwards with M.
M looks terrible, lost loads of weight, it's awful to see him looking like that. He seems angry at the world...poor bastard.
A...almost straight away started to C/O feeling cold, I felt soo warm and mellow and relaxed....A wanted to go, I wanted to stay.
I'd had a drink, as we already agreed A would drive my car. M had bin drinking strong apple juice and was wrecked out of his head...at 9.45 A was gonna take him home and then come back for me. Suddenly she started panicking about having M in her car-God knows why?
A returned really quickly and wanted to leave immediatley-I felt warm and safe and was having fun. Eventually A went, I stayed ALONE well in a pub full of people!!!!-The boy and I got into conversation and were sort of oblivious to the world-talking about everything and nothing: demons, dreams, NYE, we also spoke about M. All of a sudden he challenged me- it was amazing BUT SO frightening in a warm sort of way. Why do I have some odd friends? Why are my friends needy? Cor blimey talk about defensive.. I was on the back hoof!! I couldn't answer, I don't know- is that the case? Or is it that I don't trust people to listen to my shite?
Left at 12.15 and walked home, got a hug....AAAH!!
