12:08 p.m. - 26th November 05
Grey sky is the PITS!
Saturday....grey cold...I never mind cold (well I do mind cold really, but accept living here, that at this time of the year it will be cold) what I HATE is grey...I don't mind blue and cold but sodding grey...URGH!
Bin a really busy week at work, on the whole positive and exciting with new projects...still feel they don't pay me enough for the hours I work...salary and mangement pay is rubbish...ones hourly rate diminishes by the second...this week they have had twice as much work out of me in hours than they actually pay me for!!
People, omniopotent cunt is still behaving like pre school aged child with a BIG bit of adolescent angst and bad temper.....doors are being slammed and tantrums have been eviedent all week....
E is still his only friend at work, her hormones must be worse than anyones in the world....."happily" married women who are trying for babies don't normally trail after single alpha male men all day at work! Except where I work...
Mommy S is annoyed, it's like Christmas has surprised her this year! I thought it was always 25th Dec, but the way she is behaving, perhaps I'm wrong.
In total so far that household owes me just short of �700...why do I do it??..It's been so insideous AGAIN!
Went to theatre on Thursday to see Alan Bennet's history boys, we were in the God's and I'S's vertigo was bad to start....but D E and I loved it....very funny.
Kindly J, IS's other half fed me before we went....
Food, hmm...had a bit of sweet tooth week, need to go gym 7/7 next week or stop eating shite....think gym 5/7 is perhaps wiser and less shite eating!
Off to see the family later, once everybody has stopped trying to get to football/Rugby matches, very busy on the roads today...will stop the night, but come back early tomorrow, around 3pm I think....weather forecast isn't as bad as was predicted so sadly I am unlikely to get snowed in up there, but it is going to be a bit icy...still usually the motorway aint too bad.
Want a holiday...the weather in Lanzarote looks entirley more pleasant than here!...Having just typed that, the sun has just come out a little.
So it's Christmas in about four weeks, I aint a lover of Chrimbo (not in a Bah humbug sort of way...just in a well it's another day sort of way). Sis-in-law just phoned, she is all excited about the fact it's nearly Chrimbo, but I do think having kids makes a HUGE difference to how you feel about it. Having had Cancer at a young age, resulting in major surgery and no kids, I sort of miss the point.
Now in 5 weeks that's FAR more exciting! New Year, my ultimate fave....all new starts, excitement, tara crap of last year, hullo clean new canvas....I know it's just a day too, but somehow in my mad little head it's a little more than that! I get excited to death by it....All that remembering to write a new date...hugging strangers at midnight and all those possibilities that life will be different, which in fact you could think about everyday, but somehow NY makes me focus.
The down side is that the gym becomes SOOOOOO busy for a couple of weeks and the weather gets trashier....I hate February in particular....I know February hasn't done anything personally to make me hate it, I just do. Cold, dark, damp, dangerous driving etc etc etc!
Having had my diary for a couple of years or so, somebody contacted me....awwww that's so nice (if not a total shock)....wished me happy thanksgiving too, a total stranger bothering to e-mail is soooo nice, thoughtful and kind, it makes you feel warm towards them even though you don't know them....I need to find out a little more about thanksgiving, sounds like a great reason to not go to work and eat lots, but I'm positive there is more to it than that...Internet research here I come
The person who contacted me has a fab diary (in fact two diaries, which baffled me initially....but have the hang of it now)...I read a really sweet entry about them taking somebodies Gran to Catholic church, even though they aren't Catholic themselves.....now...in m humble opinion, that is a huge sacrafice.....having been force fed Catholicism from birth; mass, communion, confirmation, Catholic school, guilt etc I think it's quite intersting how none Catholics view the religion. I would write down my views, BUT would probably offend half the universe in a single entry, so won't...suffice to say, I don't go to mass as often as I used to....but still that's just me...
What else is going on? Had a bit of a cry on Tuesday, a lonley day, omnipotent ones behaviour getting to me a little, I hate "atmosheres"...I just feel, given the alledged purley professional relationship we have.....why would a person you line manage, behave like that to you?...Thinking of Emotional Intelligence, stonewalling behaviour is highly destructive within personal relationships, but ours is supposedly work, he is "in love" again and I on a personal level don't care.....which is a total epiphany...what I was upset about is how it's affecting others and it is. How they look awkward and are scared to say anything, and it's like having a huge elephant in the room and nobody pointing it out!....I always feel "the unworthy one" too so avoid avoid avoid!! ...But by Wednesday, I had got over that, so just went about my business. Another bad bit is, I KNOW I could reslove it in an instant....chase him round, go there, there but I actually don't want to. He, single handed (ly) has chosen this course of action...KNOWING being ignored at work, is intolerable to me and I normally give in...but I haven't....well perhaps hadn't....'till Friday late afternoon, phoned him and made an appointment to see him 4pm Monday....this is confusing, as I feel like I have given in!! But for FS, as E (the other more sensible E) pointed out, it has to be done, or else you'll end up destroying him 'cause you'll have to performance mange him and sack him. She thinks he's immature and D can't abide him...so much to my disgust, I'll sort it out Monday......I know I'll rregret it, but hey!!
