8:29 a.m. - 22nd April2006
No sleep
I cannot believe that I have been awake sine 3.30am having gone to bed at 11.30...boo, hoo.
I am so tired and stress heady because of it...going to go gym shortly see if that helps me...I feel so shaky and I flaming well hate this feeling.
Off on the works thingy tomorrow, till Wednesday so have a shed load of stuff to get done today .... should have used my time more prductively doing jobs in the middle of the night instead of trying to sleep! An update 9.20...I'm getting nowt achieved. All hot and bothered, (not the weather....) Things/thoughts kept me awake last night...omnipotent ones behaviour with E around is mad...no e-mails responded to....what the hell do I do now? Have the row I suppose but I get bored with it. For some reason I allow E to evoke anger in me....I have no idea why, I just want to do my job and live life C has used a conversation that I had with her to her advantage again...will I never ever ever learn? I'm just honest I suppose, not political in the work sense and try not to play games with people BUT forget that others aren't like that at all. Wish D hadn't mentioned it. Perhaps I'm a big bag of anger this week or something anyway as the mental state improves...I'll put all of the above in perspective. I tried to at 4.30, by writing everything down on this here computer as the great writers of depression and OCD suggest this, but it hasn't helped...I'm atill stressing, I even know that stressing changes nowt, BUT here I am doing it anyway!!! I need to get a bleeding grip. Maybe having written it down twice will help! 13.00 Slow progress has been made. 30 lengths swam. Washing done, house tidy. Brand new pedometer set up, boots heeled, travel sickness tablets bought (ready for tomorrow....I make a terrible passenger, but am fine when I am driving...bizarre) Tiny suitcase bought and a white t shirt. Off for a 10 mile hike in a bit with IS...I'm hoping this will help me to sleep tonight...PLEASE let me sleep 18.53 Just back from a 7 mile walk with IS...up hill and down dale. Walked past all the cows, sheep, lambs and horses a heart could desire. It's great knowing a farmers wife....makes walking far more fun...according to my pedometer I did 17709 aerobic steps during the walk....and today I have done a total so far of 23497 steps....fat burning occurs at between 12000 and 15000 steps, so hopefuly a few pounds of excess have been shed....and I should sleep tonight. One or two endorphins have been released and the weather is far better than earlier, which always helps. I should not have updated as the entry despite my best efforts, has no paragraphs
