6:32 a.m. - 30th October 03
Life moving on...slowly!!
Amazing looking back all those months ago. My house is now sold and I've just found one I want to move into. The stuff in between has been awful. It took from March 31-August 4th to get him to agree to put the house on the market. In between times I have been verbally abused among other things. It's been quite frightening really. I have coped with little support, why 'cause I'm crap at letting people know I need it!!! Big learning point for me here.
As Flossie is his daughter and not mine, I've not seeen as much as her as I, or she would like to. When I get the new house I will...we have that pact. Trouble is at the moment, he won't let me pick her up and as I don't want to cause trouble for her mom, I have had to leave it. The one time I thought sod it and picked her up, caused so much trouble, not just for me, but Flossie and Flossies mum...we will all have to be patient.
The affair has now come out, a 23 year old from where I work...it's awful, I'm a senior manager and this young thing is sneering and leaking at work. I just have to stay calm and pretend I can't hear the gossip, not respond in any way. She isn't the only one though...there is also Kath too...he denied it, but Kath let him down, she shouted after Flossies mum in the street about it all.
Well, this last fortnight has been awful, work has been stressful beyond anything I have ever experiencied before. It's the anniversary of mum dying (even after all this time) 21/10 is hard. My bruv and sis-in-law away, therefore no escape from here at the weekend.
My closest female friend off sick with stress and depression, therefore nobody to go out with. She can only come here when we are sure he is out. I can't spend hours at hers, three naughty teenagers and little space!!!
My closest male friend, for nine years began becoming a tad infatuated, we had the discussion three months ago that we couldn't go there, we had a great weekend he, I and my best friend...now he has dropped me after nine years of the closest friendship in the whole wide world.I'm gutted.Why did he drop me???? He arranged a night out on Friday last for a group of us, on the previous Weds, I checked it was still on as Sarah invited me out, he thinks Sarah dumps problems on me and runs, he said F**k Sarah, we are all going out. On Thursady, Ann said about going out, I checked again, he said definatley Fri was on. Friday am, he said Friday was off, he was going elsewhere. I lost the plot comletely!!! Apologised for my behaviour (not what I said) he has had no contact with me since. Not answered a text or anything. You wouldn't think we were all adults would you??
Rationised it in everyway, but it still hurts like hell, feeling totally out of control, we have experienced so many things together. It's like having my right arm chopped off.
Still I've got my new house to move to, he has always helped before, but maybe others will.
Gonna book a holiday on Saturday, for Feb, my birthday, try and find somewhere warm to go to for a week.
Lanzarote in June already booked and paid for...role on 21/6/04.
