7:40 p.m. - 24-28th August 04
I'm totally hacked off and hate it
Well what has been happening?
24th...sort of brighter mood...slept better spoke to M, saw mommy S briefly...still feel exhausted often...fecking cancer is a rotten illness. Boy irritatingly there. Very game playing, it's starting again I can't do it as it fucks my head up.
25th...Very full on with boy my head is popping, feel very, very tearful. Saw A not a good word to say about boy...hair cut and dyed.
26th Mood not good, shoulder hurting...boy very very very very cold to A, even I was scared, very warm to me. A's last day, boy wouldn't speak to her. I spent or should I say he spent from 8.20-9.45 10.30-11.00 11.50-17.00 in my company. The end of the day was awful, he wouldn't speak to A, A ended in tears, phone call from her really angry, really upset...me angry too, there was no need for it...got stressed, got pissed.
27th...Regret getting pissed...felt terrible...boy hung over too....Why baby boy? why? Boy around 8.00-13.30 14.10-15.00 far too much time...roll on counselling. Spoke to NI S, she's distressed about her future what should she do? Work or look after the kids 'till they are at school.
Saw mommy S, got the key as she is awawy for a week...gonna miss her.
28th Hang over, agitated, depressed and tearful, why has it gone so wrong? Arguing with J& N, boy no social contact except he turns up when I'm around...
Out for the day with M.
Flosssie back from hols.
She's on good form
