6:28 p.m. - 11-13 October 04
POOOOOOOR me
11th...Crazy as fuck day at work....never had lunch till 16.10...stressed to death, just one thing after another. S, I, I,I and E not interested...no boy don't have to be...work horrid...tense due to changes. Busy...ALL meetings dragged on. Horrid chairing a big problem. A on phone at 7am re boy and again at 8pm....sick to death of it...Mommy S's boy L, asked me to drop him to boxing as he was late...never has before...saw boy wiv M...obviously been to the G...he hates the G....didn't think they saw me, then 15 mins later got txt from boy...a joke....never sent me one before...bizarre...got pissed
12th....Work absolutley barking ...busy as hell. Saw J...said without prompting...boy pissed since Fri+++ went to the capital Sat....had great time...girl from previous week turned up in S with L. Marine boy causing hassle and fell out with PINK...argh....pink now on the market and I too. Gal from last week and Li doing A in toilet...shouldn't do it there and has boy now done it???? Rutting season again...he saw her yesterday too...his chioce. Felt sick and angry hurt and confused...Why ??? I don't know! Hate her, doing A, shagging my boy and probably involving him....know it's his choice...but hate him for it too.
Went to counselling ...yeuch...spoke to NI S, little un has chopped end off finger...poor NI S.
Sent boy text re bet...he says sis dead...felt OK, but got bloody drunk....mood awful today....poor me.
13th Mood really down, dementedly busy, interview in Y tomorrow scan on neck in O. Mood lowest ever ...miss boy angry he is shagging around...wiv L, SOOO confused and consumed with jealousy today. He's at home wiv M....Wish I didn't care, but I do, don't want to.
I, S critical that I text....says I'm interfering...feel hurt and maybe I am wrong, even though text was light hearted. So fuct up in my head...I love boy in truest sense of word...wouldn't care if it wasn't her, or some other class A BPD.
Angry and hurt altogether....drink didn't help last night....no more drink his week. Feeling fat too which doesn't help me.
