12:16 p.m. - 10th-20th March 05
Life on the up
10th...Well I'm on my own truly now. No devil, no boy, no counselling....all grown up and cured....I feel soooo much better and stronger as a person. Who'd have thought I'd pay to get me head sorted...it's laughable. Didn't realise how much I had lost myself being with the devil....and how much THE BOY affected me. That year and a half was madness....it became my madness, but it wasn't me. He is an oddity....I miss the closeness and the word games, banter and laughter....but the hurtful bits.....are insane.
My man agrees that there was probably abuse in his life and that it has probably been VERY significant. Boy won't ever sort that out....he'll drink it away....
His sis is now up to no good tooo...drugs, sex and rock and roll....drinking to oblivion and sleeping with the world....is that how I wanna live? I've given up on the drinking altogether for the last couple of weeks.....not even a glass in the evening
...Saw mom to be N...she's dead excited about baby being due in June....I think she'll be in for a bit of a shock...it'll be a little more knackering and time consuming than she imagines...still
12th....Off to the smoke for the day with I S....shopped, saw a show and ate....I miss the smoke....but would HATE to live there again, it's a great place to visit but LIVING there would be a killer....poor I...S she is so much older than me, but has so few life experiences without her Hb...scared in the smoke, worrying about everything all the time...but did have fun.
13th...A quietish day, then A phoned me, to go out and eat....said no. But we sorted what has gone wrong to do with boy and sis and Boxing Day...seems there was a game again, sis more to blame...but boy aint innocent and A has been dropped again.
14th...Agreed to meet A for a meal tonight...his shout. He's still with R, but is sniffing round other women again...poor R
15th....First week without my man and I feel quite mellow...hoorah. Feel fundementally happy and content, sleeping really well. More relaxed and confident at work, in life and with myself
16th...Work is soooooo busy, nowhere near enough hours in the day ....it's mad as mad can be...my head hurts with it all. Gal A visited...scrounging for money 'till the end of the month again
17th St Patricks's Day....hair cut. Main Street in town crazily busy, why soo much fuss for St Patricks's day?
18thWork...ARGH!!!! BUSY as merry hell.
Mom of many S visited after work, her and J aren't getting on at all...Northern S phoned, she's thinking of leaving K...what the hell is going on with my friends and their relationships???
A phoned she's out on works doo....my work, she left?? She's interfering loads there...not all good either
19th A decended...angry with kids, and life. Payed kids to do housework, she hates housework, has no money but in my opinion is lazy. Borrowed more money as got clampped last night...too lazy to walk, started crying at clamp, so others paid and P was there...he knew the clampers so half price. K ended up with P but has been with S all week....J...boy's sis would go nuts if she knew!! P her ex and she thinks S her current!!!! OMG!
Got a bit fractious with A, as I felt used and decided to say so...she goes out, doesn't include me and doesn't since no boy. Spent morning mentioning boy and how crap at job he is...and how work shit 'cause of him...says everyone says so. Said devil thinks I am manipulated by him...asked how devil knows.....how does devil know anything about my relationship with boy, how does devil know boy promoted?? A sheepish, denied ALL knowledge, but I pushed and pushed, as conversation must have come up..initially blamed N, but how does N know? Then J, I know J aint seen him.
Got a little cross wiv A, as why A discussing me/boy with devil????Told her that...still denying it, but unable to make any sort of eye contact whatsoever...hmmm.......she left quickly after that...know's that I'm pissed at her. Don't need/want/require/ask for devil trouble whatsoever
Life has moved on loads...feels soo OK to spend hours and hours alone....being me..on computer, chatting, making gifs....doing cross stitch, reading all these things are OK. Listening to music in my spotlessly clean house....with white, clean walls and its south facing garden...life isn't all bad...in fact, it's turned the corner!!
