1:54 p.m. - 28th May 05
Time for a diet!!!
So what is the deal???
I've put on weight and am stressing like an idiot...I'm not anorexic, but don't like the fact I'm feeling fat and frumpy. I don't own scales, but at a guess there is about 12-14lb's of lard to move.
So from Monday (why's it always a Monday?)...dieting begins....the GI diet me thinks...as I'm eating rubbish and starving all the time! So it's back to the gym as I haven't gone for 2-3 wks and proper eating, not lazy shite eating which is what I've been doing over the last 2-3 months.
Serves me right....but I feel down 'cause of it...I'll weigh myself Monday and measure me fat old belly and then work hard at planning meals properly etc...This is the biggest I've been for a couple of years and I hate it...so the remedy is mine.
I managed to stop the 12 months of boozing that I went through when me and the devil split, I've stopped texting and stress to a lesser extent about cunt boy. Although admittedly I do still have off days about him....where I passionatley miss him, but not to the extent that I used to....the counsellig helped....."imagine living your life like that" not quite knowing what you'd done and always worrying about it...the other person, never ever ever taking respnsibility for your feelings and the part they played in it.....and fuck he has hurt me. It was his erection and his fight and his stupidity.
Work is a nightmare, left hand doesn't know what the right is doing...major changes to come. Cunt had a tantrum and said he was leaving, attention seeking twat.....and he got dead angry when I challenged him....but I won't in future ever challenge him. What we had can never go away it was the most close and special thing in the world, without sex and I miss it.....I miss feeling special, I miss the BIG hugs, I miss the laughs and the social life...but the heartache, the drinking, the "game" playing, the denying, the calling me lala I don't miss. Emotionaly he battered me to bits....and me him I suppose.
So now onwards and upwards. Big huge mad changes at work.....back in touch with me bruv and his missus....see mommy S all the time.....it's past lunchtime and I've done no housework and I still aint dressed..but once I've updated and planned in my head what my next goals are...then I'll get organised.
I haven't seen A for about a month and we haven't spoken for at least a week, as J said, her life would move on and it has...she's friends with the devil and is now in contact with N too...so I need to stay out of it.
I see more of I, S and although mommy S is younger than me, she's like a surrogate mom/sis...PMSL
Seeing more of my nephew has been great too, his 1st Communion last week, brought a tear to the eye...even for my none religious self.
My shoulder and boob are agony these days, cancer is a shite illness....thinking of that, I actually need to get my statement of intent and will updated....strange that a year ago, the peeps who would benefit aren't the same peeps totally as this year!!1
So Cunt boy needs to come out as does A and the devils daughter.
So pension needs to go to peeps who need it, not those don't.
Big A still gets some, but the remaining 3/4's hmmm...Mommy S 1/4 nephew S 1/4.....to be invested and the rest 'll pay for funeral, and any outstanding stuff...and get a shower put in here as well of a bath and then sell the house.....who gets the house???
And the car? It's tough to know...mommy S should get it all...but she'll squander it.....I'll see the solicitor on Weds next and sort it out again...the car could go to my bruv
Anyway, the diet starts on Monday....need to lose a stone of lardy fucking fatness so my clothes fit better...I can't stand the feel of my fatness...these cancer treatments do weird stuff to your body!
