7:58 p.m. - 20th Sept 05
Blah blah blah! and YAY too!!
Blah blah blah, him, him, him!! God it's boring
Been on a training course today...Covey etc...I know this stuff inside out...as well as lots of other stuff like it! So why have I stopped applying lots of it to me??
I know I am not my emotion, I know if I'm angry, I allow myself to be etc! So why at this time am I incapacitated to the point of not being willing to make a decision? It's not procrastination....it's lethargy...in part, fear in another.
What decisions need making?
Where to work, where to live.
Pro's and cons, pro's and cons! This town in the way of friendship etc offers little. I know as sis-in-law says re relationships, I've been round the block! Three longish term, relationships at my age I suppose is about middle...aint a slag, but aint good at choosing, mainitaing relationships.
On the whole, re work...aspects are great, I love the innovation, responsibility and creativity, but it's "safe" I suppose...the new job is toooooo big, but boss is prepared to negotiate.....but that's ALL there is work, work, work.
Home is lonely, yet a year ago I was the life and soul, had a great social life and lots of fun. I changed that to the other extreme, now I have had a year of virtual solitude.....drank too much for 6/12, cried buckets, but on the whole feel healed.
Except I'm not really...why? WEll I feel hurt by A and N, but then why? Their lives moved on for loads of reasons...N left R having had an affair with a disliked work colleague...A well she works with the devil, she wants to be with him, him, him and hates me as I wrote to her asking for my money back.
I have friends, but they are house friends...it's hard to meet new peeps, being single, no kids etc.
Then there are opportunities and I turn them down...party last Friday...why not go?? It was in town....fear of having the devil see me...why though??? Don't know really...hassle value, he has no right to see me etc
Boy, I'm doing the same with him, he has new shag, avoid him....I stopped it last year too...I'm sad sick and lonely....now...wasn't...but am now....so I am healed....just need to find motivation to get out....but it seems impossible..it isn't, just forgotten how to do it!
Should I leave town too? That's another big question, move back to home town, closer to itsy bitsy family??
Blah, blah blah!! Yay!! Must think!
