3:05 p.m. - 2nd Oct 2005
Self esteem boosted by a bloke
J's birthday yesterday......mommy S threw a party....it started as they always do quietly.
Last year I couldn't stay as the devil was threatning to turn up....I shouldn't have stayed, as I was going to J and N's this morning....feel awful as I didn't.
Didn't drink at the party till 1am...why did I? Well two blokes there, one I knew and one I didn't. We were all sitting round outside round K's chimnea having a real real laugh, me, K, T and two others....they were soooo obviously into me...yay, hoorah...perhaps I'm not a complete freak...it's as A man says, go out, you'll get picked up.
I know I'm not completely ugly or anything, but my confidence is rubbish...so back to the laugh...I went inside and decided time for wine, dancing with mommy S and T in the kitchen...then danced with bloke D and then a complete smoochy dance and so it went on till......6am when I left.
Woke at 1pm...no hangover at all thank fuck I did start drinking water from 4am...
feel horrid about J and N but aint let 'em down in a lifetime.
Back to me....PMSL! It was good to dance with a bloke, to be cuddled and hugged was wonderful, love the fact he was sooooo tall stops me feeling so big...5'9" and high heels......makes me VERY tall! So he must be extrodainarily tall.....'cause he did hug me and make me feel really short and midgety
Love that sort of musky male smell too...tall and dark! Wouldn't EVER want to date him, but just a dance and a cuddle helps the old self-esteem no end.
I have had that happen lots in my life, always getting asked to dance etc...so perhaps I aint too bad and offensive...it's me that then scuttles away I suppose....think there is a commitment phobia going on! All my books tell me I have the signs and symptoms!
A used to say about me, tall and skinny with big tits and blokes are mad about ya! I used to see that as offensive, but perhaps it aint...anyway woooooosh my self-esteem is up no end!
So what's the common theme re the blokes over the last couple of years? All have names starting with D! All very tall 6'2"+.....all dark that's about it...would have shagged all of 'em if I wasn't too scared of being hurt...all fit bodies too...slim and masculine
