1:29 p.m. - 16th April 2006
Easter Sunday and MOANING!
Sky's grey AGAIN...typical bank holiday weekend. Dammit though, as it matches my mood today....I know I am usually up beat, happy and generally enjoy life, however today my mood matches the sky....let's just hope there are some sunny intervals later on, for the weather and my mood.
I know why I'm pissed off, its a culmination of stupidness on my part...that seem important today...ARGH!!
The news this week has contained two articles about single women, who have both died in their homes and have been there for about four years, without anybody realising. One was found when the authourities broke in due to four years worth of none payment of bills. But up until then, nobody had even missed her. The worsed bit for her was, she had sisters etc,she was in her forties and nobody had missed her.
The second woman was slightly older, but by no means an old age pensioner. Burglars broke into her home, somebody noticed them breaking in, called the police who arrived and discovered her decomposed body, she had been dead for four years too, she too had family.
For me, the bank holidays are always tough, hence my choice to work the weekdays. It's so mad really given that I am single, spend oodles of time happily alone. BUT bank holidays seem different these days. Every single person I know is doing "family stuff", so you don't want to ring or anything. My family...one bruv, sis-in-law and nephew are preparing to go away first thing in the morning for a weeks holiday and so I don't feel I can plonk myself there. This, is nearly as bad as May 5th 2003.
The phone hasn't rung once, which is sooooo unusal, it normally never stops.
But, I have no understanding why it's getting to me really, given 85% of my free time is alone.
Other contrubuting factors to today's mood. I went to the cash point last night and to buy a few bits. The main street where I live, was heaving with groups of seemingly happy people, all out for meals and pubbing it....and I had a longing for the life (good bits) at the end of 03 start of 04....I really missed for that instant, being "part of it"....it was very "rose tinted spectacles", it's almost like I forgot the horrid rotten bits of it all....the bits when I battered my knee, had my mood going up and down and up and down some more.
The radio is full of people phoning in, all doing family stuff....having a laugh, being part of a group. Generally I have lots of people to socialise with, but as with most bank holidays, it returns to people doing family stuff. So with no mom, dad, aunts, uncles, kids or a partner....family becomes teeny.
In addition, the Friday "gossip" at work has unskittled me a little...N, who was somebody I knew very well. I did a lot for him and his missus over the years....As omnipotent one used to say, it was a bit one-sided on my part at times...(which used to annoy me and I'd get all angry at him).
Anyway, N, got over involved with D at work and people began to comment...I warned him and so he decided he and Mrs were moving to OZ....he spent about three months phoning for hours at night all anxious about his decision. Prior to this, he struggled to complete his studies and spent most weekends at my house, whilst I proof read, coached and generally supported him through his training.....shortly after he started work as a qualified person, he went to Europe and got arrested and charged with fighting.
I helped him sort it out at work, as he was kept locked up for three months. He managed to keep his job and then I supported him when he wanted to undertake a piece of study, which the organisation paid for. He was cross though, as his training was UK based and others had USA based training.
Anyway I'm waffling. He got his Mrs to agree to the house being sold, planned to move to Oz with her, she got a job via a video link interview, he said he'd get a job when they got there as he would child mind in the early days.
The day the house was sold, he announced to his Mrs, he'd changed his mind about OZ and didn't want her taking HIS kids abroard. So she had to move into rented in the first instance. Meanwhile D, left her hubby and they moved in together. He then resigned his job in a fit of pique, believing he should have got a promotion, despite his inexperience and that he should be funded for more training, which as his previous training cost �5000, the organisation felt it was too soon.
He got a promotion elsewhere, and boasted and boasted, but then suddenly and without warning cut me out...this was after he had stayed here when he left his Mrs initially and phoned me morning, noon and night. When I was in Lanzarote, he phoned all the time, my mobile bill was extortionate.
In his new job, he had a couple of side ways moves and was "let go" in some sort of reorganisation....Now however he is working with the DEVIL and A....ARGH!
That's sort of got to me a lot today too. The devil would love to hear all about what went on with omnipotent one, my counselling etc....I just HATE the fact that I know both A and N are angry, due to the work situation that they weren't promoted. I was part of a panel, but they could never seperate out work and home sadly and ultimately I didn't make the final decisions....but they took all of it personally and left angry, blaming me.
N, also always, alwys vied with omnpotent one at work. I think age was always used, omnipotent one being younger, but having being qualified longer and with a wealth of experience was never a reason for N.....My personal opinion was that it was the Northern Irish, Southern Irish thing, mainly from N.....It sort of doesn't bother omnpotent one too much.
Anyway E saw him in WF, the other day and he was all full of how he's working back in town with A and the DEVIL and how much fun it all is. Whhne E asked about salary etc, he was a bit reticent apperntly.
So what's my problem? Jealous? I really don't think so, jsut feeling that these people disclosing my secrets since I left the devil is hateful. Niether of them will be able to help themselves, they will both want to curry favour I suppose and the Devil being a charming psychopath will want to know and be rubbing his hands with glee.
I'm sure neither will be able to tell the positive, me being promoted, having a gorgeous house and great friends. Still being skinny, having fab holidays etc. It''ll be all omnipotent one and my madness....they won't say about my "fairytayle chrismas" my and his obvious love for that year. NO...
So today, with no Easter eggs bought for me, not a phone call to say happy easter, or what are you up to, I feel like tgose ladies that died alone....sad and slightly neglected.
BUT tomorrow is a new day. I have my CV to sort out this afternoon and my car could do with a bit of a wash...so I need to forget the rest and just accept it's another Sunday
