4:44 a.m. - 1st July 2008
Too early to be awake
It's too early to be awake. I'm sure that later on I'll be in a squishy heap snoring and dribbling or something. Can't sleep....Either I've slept enough OR I'm a tad stressed. Think it's the tad stressedness that is the problem!
Strange mixed up dreams about home, unemployment, underwear, my sis-in-law and recent stuff. Bored to death with thinking of those things when I am awake, so why the hell would I bother with those things when I am asleep?
So here I am at some stupid time trying to put stuff down, with the hope that spending half an hour doing this I will go back to by comfy bed and sleep.
Maybe I should have taken up the offer of staying with MK hunk last night rather than here, but I need to dye my hair this morning as I'm getting it done after work tonight ...only highlights and a trim.... so said to MK H that I'd stop here last night and dye my hair, 'cept of course I didn't.....so that now has to be done this morning...I need to get a blooming grip.
So on the brother front...ummed and arred about phoning last night....but did phone and thankfully spoke to nephew to start. He was talking about his school trip awy which was interesting. Then managed to mention his upcoming birthday (as if I didn't know), he went onto mention that everybody was watching tennis. Who's everybody? Hmm sis-in-laws ex hubby! ETC! I asked him how his confirmation went etc and then said to tell my bruv I'd phoned, but then bruv came on the phone and I decided enough was enough.
So said to bruv, what's going on? He said his wife was pissed at me. For what I asked....he said he didn't really know other than she said I don't bother enough...Hmmm! An opportunity! I spoke about the holiday I offered to pay for ...that was ignored, the flowers I sent when the pregnant one's baby was born....never heard a thing....Spoke about Christmas pressies nobody rang, Easter pressies, babysitting etc ...he said "it's hard for me you know...I know J can be a really awkward bitch when she wants to be. When she goes like this I hate it and am sick to bloody death of arguing with her...You know what she is like"...He said I could try and talk to her.
I asked HOW I was supposed to try, when she ignores the house phone when she sees my number, ignores my e-mails and texts, how the hell am I supposed to have a dialogue? I asked about nephews confirmation and who was invited. I asked him to explain which part of bruv's family was represented at the nephews confirmation....I asked if J's ex husband went and if her "posh" friends from round the corner went....whic of course they did.....I pointed out, that surely as the child's Godmother, it would have been nice (for the child) if I had been at least given an option of attending.
I pointed out to brother that in one recent conversation he said I showed "little interest in the family and that I was as bad as the brother that is not spoken about"....So of course I wanted him to quantify what he meant. He said he couldn't remember saying that.
He said it was hard for him too. He knew his wife was awkward and that somehow his life revolved round her and her kids....I acknowledged that and said I didn't want to come between them, however what bothered me was that he these days chooses not to include me in anything at all and given what he has been concerned about in the past (nephew has no grandparents and my other bro is a drinker +++ and has little contact and his other two uncles both live abroard), why he was choosing for nephew to have no contact.
He said sis-in-law is stubborn and doesn't want to make the first move...I pointed out that as she was the one not answering the phone/e-mails etc, how else could it all change?
He suggested I visit the home on Saturday...but I ponted out to him that he'd be at work and there is no way I am sitting in his house being ignored by sis in law...NOT a chance!
I suggested they come here instead...I'd rather be ignored in my own home!!! At least I can turn the TV on!
So who knows....nephews b'day in a couple of weeks and bruv will be off work so I may pass by then...we'll see.
I now have a bloody magpie in my back garden...eating my bird food. The starlings look a bit scared!! But the pigeons are fighting back.
