8:51 a.m. - 13th April 2009
Survived....Just
Survived the family thing....YAY.
Brother, was late arriving at the cemetery but he came at least. Mom's grave was a gruesome untidy sight so I am glad I got there early as I hate it when it's unkempt.....Had a big old tidy up just as bruv arrived. He said he couldn't hang around too long as the Mrs had already phoned to see where he was...We talked about NOTHING!!
Went to their house......The drive was full of cars.....well 5 cars ...Had a major panic......So many people who I hadn't seen for so long.........Went into kitchen with bruv to get a cuppa, sis-in-law announced I was being too quiet.....Said I was shocked so many peeps were there....WRONG!! What the hell did I expect after all it is Easter!! I knew that surprisingly..........BUT hadn't anticipated that amount of people. It felt very, very very awkward and people felt awkward around me too. The one who was the nice one to me was the young lady who had the baby.....Her baby (well 18 month old toddler) is sweet. Amazingly tiny, like a little China doll and light as a feather. She looks like her father, very dark hair and brown eyes.....Sis-in-laws kids are all very blonde, with blue eyes.
So news from there...Eldest daughter was again drinking herself to bits....Lager and wine, she was getting louder and more pushy......Next.... eldest boy.....Still unemployed and now his girlfriend has been made redundant too so they are moving from Manchester back to middle England. Youngest girl......doing great with the baby, but just made redundant and upset about it too......Her other half wasn't there as they had argued and he feels sis-in-law doesn't like him.....There is a theme there. Sis in laws ex hubby, really pissed and very loud......but pleasant enough. Nephew, sweet as only boys can be.....
I felt uncomfortable as hell......Couldn't help it. Too many awkward questions like Why haven't you bothered visiting for so long? ......What do you say. 'Cause your mom is a bitch? And my bruv is weak?
Instead you waffle on about being busy at work etc....Long hours. Poor Clucky mom was the most confused as she hadn't realised we hadn't seen each other since before the baby was born......She isn't the brainiest child and was thinking we saw each other last summer not the summer before. It was lovely to see her, she is the most genuine, tells me she is seeing a Psychologist (poor cow) as she has had a fair bit of post natal depression, she says she is coming round a bit now, but certainly had her own demons.
Sis-in law got steadily more pissed and started going on about eldest being a lazy cow as she should be cooking dinner....She also went on about how nice it was that all her children were so good together. Given that she has usually fallen out with one or other at any given time, it was nice to see them all together!! At Christmas the youngest daughter and only mommy was out of favour .....Prior to that it was the eldest boy because he was out of work.....He's 26 this year and has always been out of work in my opinion!!
I managed four hours.....Only cause dinner was so late, so dinner was planned for 5, didn't appear until 6 and I was gone by 8. Home in the comfort of my own gaff by ten past nine......Motorway was insane!!........Brother snarled at me as I left that, I hadn't chatted much and not made much effort.......I honestly didn't know what to say. I am not particularly gregarious at the best of times......But feel soooooo uncomfortable and embarrassed by how things have panned out with sis-in law. There were so many hyper people I just didn't know where I fitted in. It felt almost like everyone was showing off a bit....But maybe it was too much wine and chocolate!
This all sounds like I am a miserable churlish person. I don't believe I am. It was tough yesterday as there were so many people. I wouldn't have gone I don't think, had I have realised that there would be that many people. When they visit here, there is always just me, as in the past sis-in-law, in a drunken state complained that she didn't like visiting when I had others here, so I have been very careful to orchestrate it so she is never put through that. I understand that her kids (and ex hubby) should be there at Easter. But sort of hadn't related it to yesterday so I felt ill prepared to manage in that formal way.
I felt ashamed by how it's become and knew people would ask questions in an awkward way. Particularly ex hubby and eldest daughter (they drink the most and get loud).....That sort of me, me, me way. Why don't you bother with us, why don't you come here? There were so many pregnant pauses as I averted my gaze, panicked enormously and stuttered.
I know I'll get done over for not being as I should have been. If I was going again today and knew for sure all those people were there, I would be prepared in my head and would know how I'd cope......BUT y'day I was a chronic useless cow and they were very loud and drunk.
Oh bollocks, I'm dreading the next phone call and don't know how to make it right. As I left I knew there would be loads of conversation about me too and my bruv would probably be in for a hard time about my quietness.....Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Oh well, today is a new day. Can't change the past...Will send an e-mail at some point today thanking them for a nice time I suppose...
